Relaxation News by Laurie H. Miller, C.C.H.

Recovery From Loneliness

Issue 29 – May 2007

Laurie’s Notes

Dear Clients,

relaxationLoneliness is an emotional state in which a person experiences a powerful feeling of emptiness and isolation. It is more than just a feeling of wanting some company. Loneliness is a feeling of being cut off, disconnected from, and alienated towards other people. It can strike single people as well a people in relationships.

I noticed loneliness often hides inside, at the heart of people’s issues. Many times it is found to be the hidden problem beneath what is thought to be the presenting symptoms.

Overcoming loneliness requires learning to cope with changes in old life patterns.

Wishing you a wonderful spring filled with the delight of new beginnings.

Take care, Laurie



Loneliness can be chronic or internal, often including feelings of low self-esteem and vulnerability and probably stems from the early years.

Loneliness can also be situational or external provoked by a change in circumstances such as moving to a new environment or the loss of a relationship.


  • Believing that “everyone else” has friends
  • Feeling embarrassed, self-conscious, shy, or scared
  • Being in a crowd, but not feeling part of the crowd
  • Feeling angry, defensive and critical of self and others
  • Feeling socially inadequate and invisible
  • Feeling empty and believing something is wrong with you
  • Believing that no one knows how miserable and isolated you feel
  • Feeling reluctant or afraid to attempt to change, or try new things


The feelings associated with loneliness feed on themselves. The more lonely you feel, the harder it is to break out of it. However, feeling lonely does not have to be a constant way of being. As with changing any patterns of behavior, it takes effort and commitment. The results are worth it!

Break the cycle of loneliness

  • Find its cause
  • Identify any existing negative ways of dealing with it. (over-eating, sleeping, drinking, working, etc.)
  • Identify the settings and conditions in which you feel willing to communicate with others.
  • Encouragement to take the “risk” of new contacts.

It should be remembered that feeling lonely is a common human emotion experienced by everyone at times, and therefore is not a defect.


To overcome fears of hurt, loss, socializing, getting close to others and vulnerability.

Let go of anger, criticism, weight and bad habits.

Build your confidence, esteem, self trust, intuition, & toleration for risk. Express yourself and communicate more easily.


Loneliness is not the same as being alone. Being alone can be experienced as positive, pleasurable and emotionally refreshing if it is under the individual’s control.

Solitude is the state of being alone and secluded from other people, and often implies having made a conscious choice to be alone.

Loneliness is therefore unwilling solitude.

Human beings react much more strongly to direct face to face interaction than to the abstracted type of communication present in remote relationships via the internet!


Darlene & Arnie York, Gail Sprenger, Carol Wampole, James Hennekam, Amy Cohen, Sharon Bayhurst, Violet Lorenzen, Marlene Frederico, Scott Sandland, Cheddi Rathan, David Costa, Judy Clifford, Sean Garrison, Barbara English, Nicole Gyurik, Krysclic Mayier, John & Sue Castillo, David Arana, Beth Phillips, Eric Johnson, Betsy Hewitt, Lisa Vanderbeek, Jessica Harris, Trudy Przybylowski, Barbara Bennett, Michelle Anderson, Vrisayda Boggess, Toni Vrsolovich, Judy Clifford, Dr. Chris Barney, Jessica Harris, Janet Whitney, Dr. Ann Mia, Ian Feigleman, Ashley Viesa, Shannon Sanchez, Donna Kannard, Donna Baker and Dr. Mara Latts.