Relaxation News by Laurie H. Miller, C.C.H.

Hurt Hurts

Issue 30 – August 2007

Laurie’s Notes

Dear Clients,

relaxationThis newsletter addresses experiences of hurt that we are capable of resolving.

We all deal with hurt in different ways. Some people shut down, numb, or withdraw. Others cover it with anger, anxiety, fear, or emotional outbursts.

The best way to deal with hurt is to “process” the feelings, the situation, and the person that is involved.

This allows the hurt to be internally resolved which relieves the symptoms even if the issue cannot be fixed.

My definition of process is: to move through; to face; to pay attention to.

The process of resolving hurt may be a bit different for each individual as we all react to hurt in our own unique way.

Wishing you freedom from hurt….

Take care, Laurie



You know the feeling: the deep ache in your heart that plummets down to your stomach and just sits there like a lump of clay.

You know the thoughts: running the scenario over and over and over, as if thinking about it will change it or make it go away.

You know the emotions: anger, frustration, rage, anxiety, fear, and the desire for revenge.

Five issues that create hurt:

  1. Fairness. Most people want equality which triggers the need for a situation or person to be fair.
  2. Not being heard. Wanting the other person to know what you want, need, or feel.
  3. Misunderstanding. People thinking differently and misinterpreting views on an issue.
  4. Not feeling taken care of or special. Most individuals have expectations of what they need to be fulfilled.
  5. Expectations. Valuing something that may be different than someone else values.

Miscommunication is always a part of and at the heart of hurt.

The emotions of hurt block clear communication with yourself and with others.


Healing hurt is a big undertaking depending on the depth and scope of the hurt. I recommend starting small with this exercise. Stop if it becomes overwhelming. These steps take the edge off of hurt and can be repeated with the same situation as much as needed.

1) Breathe deeply

  • Pay attention to the hurt!
  • Stop the withdrawal, hiding, and cover-up.
  • Sit quietly and notice what you are feeling, notice the thoughts you have, and the emotions you feel.

2) Breathe deeply…again….

  • Indulge yourself in the pain, fear, hopelessness, anger.
  • Indulge yourself in the negative and all or nothing at all thinking.
  • Be mad, be hurt.

3) Breathe Deeply.

  • Now make the hurt bigger.
  • Worse than it is, more hurtful than it is.
  • Intensify the feelings, the heartache, the thoughts.

4) Breathe Deeply.

  • Keep going.
  • Bigger.
  • Until the hurt explodes, goes away, fades, looses power, or your mind wanders.
  • You will be more calm and in control, on your way to freedom from hurt!


Healing hurt requires conscious awareness of your own responsibility in the situation and the ability to stop blaming. It requires living in the now instead of in the past.

It means not needing to be right and hopefully seeing your own wrong. It means being brave enough to feel your own feelings and hear your own thoughts instead of numbing with food or substances or other escape behaviors.

It’s easier to heal a new hurt and more effort to heal an old one. Sometimes hurts can’t be healed and leave scars. The best option is to leave them in the past and not let them have power over your present day life. It is better to be in control of hurt instead of hurt controlling you.

Hurt is a feeling and feelings constantly change.


Michelle Anderson, Susan Addington, Dr. Carol La Blanc, Toni Vrsolovich, Adraina Acosta, Jill Seesholtz, Nancy Murrietta, Mike Fergin, Piper Sample, Edie Marowitz, Molly Moran, Dr. Cindy Olson, Carolyn Alley, Randy Williams, JoVonna Kingkade, Karen Frazier, Cindy Bratty, Rebecca Shaw, Dr. Chris Barney, Greg Mimm, Mary Singleton, Janet Whitney, Gary Larson, Dr. Dana Yan, Kimberly Watson, Amy Isham, Jeri Robinson, and Sandy Salisbury

Many thanks to those who have sent more than one client to me!