THE RELAXATION RESPONSE
Relaxation News by Laurie H. Miller, C.C.H.
Issue 35 – November/December 2008
This newsletter addresses listening to others. It is very important to also listen to yourself. Tap into your own insight and wisdom to make decisions easily. Find your own answers to issues and problems by sitting quietly and listening to your soft voice of intuition. Slow breathing, meditation, and hypnosis help you quietly listen to yourself.
Happy and loving wishes for this holiday season.
Take care, Laurie.
Think About… What does it feel like to really listen?
There are four levels of listening.
Level 1: A Non-Listener is unfocused, puts in no effort, and does not hear the speaker at all. They look like they are paying attention, but may be consumed with their own internal dialogue or feelings, and be unable to focus.
Level 2: A Superficial Listener hears words and sounds, not meaning, intent, or the message. They are easily distracted by internal and external stimuli, and don’t go into the content of what is being said.
Level 3: A Logical Listener actively tries to hear what the speaker is saying, but little effort is made to understand. Content is their only interest, so they mostly remain emotionally detached.
Level 4: A Powerful Listener focuses with mental attention and concentration on what is being said, as well as emotional processing. They refrain from judgment while listening, instead focusing on understanding the point of view.
8 TIPS FOR BETTER LISTENING
1. When the other person begins to speak….be quiet!!
2. Be careful not to interrupt. If the speaker pauses…. take a deep breath.
3. Limit your own talking by keeping your questions and answers simple and to the point. Stay on track.
4. Empathize and understand from their point of view, even if you have a different opinion.
5. Ask questions if you don’t understand something. Clear up misunderstanding right away.
6. Concentrate by focusing your mind on what the person is saying. Pay attention and shut out distractions.
7. Listen for ideas, not just words. Show the speaker you are with them by keeping eye contact.
8. React to ideas, not to the person. Breathe deeply to control your emotions and don’t jump to conclusions or assumptions.
You don’t know the truth unless you ask.
LISTEN TO ME!
Everyone wants to be listened to. When we shout, it’s because we feel we are not being heard. When we tune out, it’s because the material being shared is painful, hurtful or uninteresting. When we interrupt, it’s because we are making projections of what the other person is going to say. When we judge the other person for what they are saying or their mannerisms, we loose the content and understanding of what they are trying to say.
Sometimes you might just need to vent. Ask the listener if that is ok before you launch out. Other times you want to be heard. Tell the listener you don’t need a solution. Other times, you need a solution or feedback. Make this clear before you start. As the Listener it is a relief to know what is expected.
Validate the other person by repeating what they said back to them. Then just be quiet. No comment. No rebuttal. No response.
To validate means:
To let the other person know you hear them even if you don’t agree with them.
YOUR REFERRALS ARE APPRECIATED!
Susan Addington, Bonnie Davis, Taylor Dent, Vicky Hayes, Rebecca Shaw, Lorraine Costello, Sara Ramirez, Andrea Koepke, Cecilia Gueterez, Dr. Lucretia Reed, Dr. Mara Latts, Zelda Benson, Janessa West, Drs Dan and Rochelle Belove, Jennifer Smith, Jason Oliver, Korean Callahan, Kim Paider, Brett Pack, Michael Steif, KD Hughes, Rande Johnson, Kevin Bland, Nancy Babcock, Pamela Schmidt, Betsy Hewitt, Indira Hale Tucker, Kent Wilken, Cathy Bonner, Tina Oliver, Chris Paider, Dr. Shirley Furman, and Suanne Spenser.
Many thanks to those who have sent me multiple referrals!!
If I have missed you on this list, please let me know.