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THE
RELAXATION RESPONSE
Relaxation News
by Laurie H. Miller, C.C.H.
Laurie's
Notes
Dear Clients,
I chose
a subject for this newsletter that most people do not like
to talk about.
We all
experience anger however, there is a big difference between
discharging anger and expressing anger. I think it is important
to know the difference.
When I
was a kid and got mad, I’d stomp up the hall into my
bedroom, slam the door and brood. Talking about my anger or
feelings was not part of my young experience. Over the years
it has changed through self understanding, new skills, education,
and experience, which I gladly share with you.
Get in
control of your anger and 2007 will be a year of peace, prosperity,
fun and happiness for you!
***
CONTROLLING
ANGER
Before
it controls you!
THE
NATURE OF ANGER
Anger is an emotional state that varies in intensity from
mild irritation to intense fury and rage. It is accompanied
by physiological and biological changes in the body. Anger
can be caused by both external and internal events. It can
be triggered by a specific person, event, or caused by worrying
or brooding about your personal problems. Memories of past
traumatic events can trigger angry feelings.
EXPRESSING
ANGER
The instinctive, natural way to express anger is to respond
aggressively. It is a natural adaptive response to threats
and inspires powerful feelings, and can be hurtful and destructive.
People
deal with anger with three main approaches: expressing, suppressing,
and calming.
Expressing
your angry feelings in an assertive manner is the healthiest
way. You make clear what your needs are and how you need them
met without hurting others or yourself. You say what you feel
in a calm clear manner.
Suppressed
anger happens when you hold your anger in, stop thinking about
it, and focus on something positive. The danger of this response
is that if it isn’t allowed outward expression, your
anger can turn inward on yourself. It may cause illness, like
hypertension or depression. Other problems of suppressed anger
are passive-aggressive behavior (getting back at people indirectly),
and cynical and critical behavior. Chronically irritable and
grumpy people often suppress their anger.
Calming
down inside means not just controlling your outward behavior,
but also controlling your internal response. You take steps
to lower your heart rate, calm yourself down, and let the
feelings subside. The use of hypnosis, meditation and exercise
work well.
Please
note: When I work with someone with anger problems, I work
on expression along with calming down. Because the mind does
not differentiate between real or imagined, releasing anger
internally (inside the mind) defuses it externally. The source
of the anger often neutralizes and becomes less of a trigger,
leaving you more in control.
STRATEGIES
WITH ANGER
Relaxation:
Deep breathing, relaxing imagery or slow yoga can help calm
down angry feelings. These methods relax you, enabling you
to express your feelings more calmly.
Cognitive
Restructuring: This means changing the way
you think. When you are angry your thinking can get very exaggerated
and overly dramatic. Replace these thoughts with more rational
ones. For example: replace “it’s terrible, it’s
awful, everything is ruined” with “it’s
frustrating and understandable that I’m upset, but it
is not the end of the world and anger will not fix it or make
me feel better. “
Problem
Solving:
Anger and frustration are sometimes caused by very real and
inescapable problems. Remember anger is a natural response
to difficulties. How you handle and face the problem (not
the solution) dissolves angry feelings.
Humor:
Silly humor can help defuse rage. It can help you get a more
balanced perspective and unknot a tense situation. Use a silly
imagery like seeing the person you are mad at exactly the
way you think of them, i.e., a “dirt bag”.
Changing
Your Environment:
Give yourself a break. Take a walk, use alternatives. Get
away from the irritant for awhile.
***
THANK
YOU FOR YOUR REFERRALS!
Kathe
Caldwell, April Sears, Collette Ford, Ashly Wiseman, Betsy
Hewitt, Ian Figelman, Scott Peebles MFCC, Kent Wilkin, Wendy
Sawyer, Dr. Chris Barney, Karen McKenzie, Michael Demoratz
PhD., Sandy Salisbury, Sharon Chiaromonte and Lori Ruben.
Many
of the above people have sent me more than one client! Thank
You.
***
Copyright©2005-10
Laurie Miller, C.C.H.
No
parts of this website may be duplicated without written
permission.
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